Boss!

My Bosses are really fine with me lately. Boss S and I return to normal and she treats me better now. I'm not too sure why but she started talking to me and treats me differently before she went for her Deevapali holiday. It is quite surprise and anyhow it is good as well. Because i don't need to suffer for this kind of office politic anymore. But there are some colleagues still undergoing it. As a third party, i really feel sorry about it. After all, it is not a good experience. Everyday they have to face mentally depress and pressure. Hopefully this is not gonna be last long otherwise everyone will start thinking more and more negatively.

Mistake!

I did a big mistake last night. I still not too sure how it happen but it happened. I feel so bad and terrible. It was not true me and what happen to me? It is really terrible, how can i do something like that. It just happened and i simply don't dare to think about it again. After yesterday i was so clear that he definitely not gonna be the one. No way he gonna be the one. I feel so terrible. I swear to myself it is not gonna happen again. Please leave me alone...... It was a bad experience and totally a black spot in my life. Please stop all this mistake before it is too late. I just don't want to involve in anymore complicated things. Be yourself and be myself...stop bothering me. Please mind your own business and concentrate on what you have now and please leave me alone.

update!!

Since that day, it was obvious that Boss A treat me differently. erm...how to describe? CAREFUL, BETTER, DETAIL... even my other colleagues also feel that way. Is it because he feels guilty? I'm not sure and i choose not to think so much because it's not going to change anything anyway. I remember another statement that told by him "I will forgive but i will never forget!" Now i know how it feel and on top of that i hope he can add one more sentence "i'm sorry and i'll never forget my mistake!" hahaha... (just kidding, i know this is impossible)

About Boss S, she looks the same and i can tell that our relationship is totally crack. No greeting, no smiling, no chatting between she and me. Now purely just boss and staff relationship. Just simply she is not sincere as usual anymore. She is so fake lately and even though i tried to approach her about a botswana student matter. She answered me in a very unfriendly way by showing her back to me. Can you imagine i have such an unfriendly boss in my faculty?

Really disappointed~~~

Chagrin!! Grievance!!

(Last Week)
Me : "Boss! the final exam for foundation sem 2 is going to be the following week! Students are asking for the final exam timetable as well as the lecturer."
Boss A: "Please discuss witht the two Program Leaders."
Me: "Ok!"

When i was approaching program leaders--->

Boss A heard it.
Boss A: "Hei, you should come out the exam draft then only discuss and get the approval from them."

(Today)
Boss S: "Who told you to do the final exam timetable?"
Me-->pointing at Boss A
Boss A--> keep silent
Boss S: "Why you want to work on the final exam timetable?"
Me: --->speechless, looking at Boss A
Boss A--> still keep silent
Boss S: "Do you inform the program leaders about this?"
Me: "Yes"
Boss S: "Then why you have to work on that? How do you know nobody is working on it?"
Boss S: "Remember your status is still not clear now. You are not suppose to do this."


What the heck! Do you think i'm too free and simply just want to grab more work to do. I'm not crazy ok. Can you guys please have proper communication among all of you. Is your damn boy friend (Boss A) ask me to do this and you as his girlfriend (Boss S) is taking me like a "BUSYBODY".

Telling me indirectly "hey, who are you? why you want to be so busybody. Pls mind ur own buz!"

What the heck! Your damn boy friend (Boss A) always force me to clean up the shit and all the last minutes job. God knows how many times he had questioned me "why you not inform me earlier about this matter? You should remind me if i have forgotten." This is the statement that he gave me all the time. And who the hell are you(Boss S) now? Actually, i'm not under your care and not under your supervision. So by right who should mind your own fucking buz.

Everyone just want to get things done and want to change this place to a better place. I dun understand why you(Boss S) want to make things so complicated. You used to told me you dun like people bring in office politic during the time when all of us were under Dr. K supervision. After he left and you promoted as one of the top management group. Eventually you yourself actually bring in all the bullshit office politic. ------FAKE

After the stupid session, your damn boy friend (Boss A) told me that a lot of things got mess up in the office therefore everyone got crazy lately. (Hello! this is just an execuse ok!!!) He just told me forget about it, ask me to go home and rest, DUN THINK TOO MUCH!!! Hello, do you think is that easy? You have successfully demotivated me and now you r asking me to forget about it. What the heck!

All of this is because of your fucking decision and when BOSS S questioning me. You were not even intend to help me but you were trying to make things worse. I dun see any sincere in you anymore and you are so fake just like your damn girl friend.

I seriously dun see any hope at this place. The management team seem always try to revenge once they caught the chance. They never learn to appreciate hard works of other people. They never learn from the mistakes. They never want to hear from others. They never want to change. I feel quite shameful being an alumnae of this damn place.

Step down (2)

Kon Ghee, Matthew and me have been waiting for this moment for quite some weeks... hahaha...Finally come to the day that to notify them about step down but they just told us to wait for their feedback. I have some bad feeling that they will set us up by putting more work on us after they let go us from this position. Life is tough.... We should start searching for other job. No matter how, we are not going to surrender and will be firm to let go this position.

Actually on the same day, they were appointed for new position. They were promoted as Head of School, Director, and Senior Director. I can't imagine how this school is going to run in the future. It's gonna be more and more messy and complicated, more and more politic in the office. OMG! I don't think i suite this kind of environment and i think i should have better plan for my future now.........

step down~~

ti..ta..ti..ta..ti..ta.. counting down the days to step down this position. I'm not so sure whether this decision is correct or not. But what i know is this situation and management style can't be improve any further as long as they remain the same management style. About 2 more weeks, i have to notify the Head about this matter. I'm sure things will not go smoothly as i think, a lot of things need to be done before letting me go. At least i have to finish what i suppose to do first and i have to suggest another victim to replace me to continue those annoying and useless work. Again, i have to request to change my current status. Everything will be jumble up. sigh~~~

New update! This morning they just mentioned about to apply for the ISO. OMG, are you kidding me? Such a management style in this place wanna apply for ISO. If they really got the ISO, which means ISO doesn't mean anything at all. Any organization can easily get it without really achieve the initial requirement. Ridiculous~

diet diet~~

diet, diet, diet~~~ always the most difficult task that i can achieve in my life. Eat or skip meal, the result seem no much different. In contrast, i still keep gaining weight. Really fed up~sigh~is there anyway that girl always can maintain their weight or diet in a more comfortable way and have immediate effect. You may think "OMG, such a lazy girl". Ya, i admit i am a lazy girl... a very very lazy girl. But i'm thinking to lose weight.... is there any good idea? let's share it........

Confusion day

Another Sunday, God knows since when i just don't like Sunday. It makes me feel lonely. I spent my time by watching drama and drama.... Till i tired and sick with dramas. Today my confusion started with -->Do i ever think that why am i here now? Where should i go? Do i belong to here? Otherwise where should i go or where can i go? Going back to sibu? Yeah... this is what i have been thinking about. But what i can do if go back to sibu? No answer. Am i doing what i'm really interested in now? study and teaching.... I'm sure what i'm doing now is never my interest. But i have to continue until i found my interest. Ya, what is my ambition? I'm not really sure. I just want my family and i just want my parent to be happy. I don't really know what i want to be or what i want to do. One thing that i'm pretty sure now at this moment is i don't want to stay here anymore. i don't care about my study anymore. i just can't afford all this anymore. No one understand me, no one know what happen to me. I just live all by my own. No one care about me. I don't want this kind of life anymore. What can i do? Anyway for me to escape from all this?

Good news...

So good to have 3 days rest after a long restless working days. I spent 2 days at home to watch my favourite korean dramas. My life and my brain is so peaceful in this 2 days. Just now my sister told me a good new. My second brother gonna marry soon in this year. Yeah, i know my parents is very very happy now cause they have been waiting this for quite long time. O, i just can't wait to fly home immediately and join them. My sister told me probably the wedding will be on this coming early December. But before that, next month on 18 they will exchange their engagement ring. Then they will only decide and confirm the actual wedding date. There was a new family member, after my sister gave birth her baby (my niece) last two years. Soon there will be another new member in my family--my future sister-in-law. Am i call it right? Hahaha... feel really great.....

Final Week in August!

Time flies and left us far behind. Back on sunday, i was still worry about my exam and classes. A restless sunday which end up with just 2 hours sleeping. But at least luck always at my side, i got more exam source and tips from mei yoon during the office hours. There are 2 parts in the exam. The first part was fine but i totally have no idea with the 2nd part. It is too confusing so end up i just wrote whatever i know. Hope the result will not be too bad.

After a long and tiring monday, i have another few more restless and terrible days. Everything was just mess up, no matter how hard you have tried to work on it and fix it. People always try to put the spot light on your weak point. They will never appreciate what you have done. I still wondering why people so used to angry and scolding others. Don't they feel uncomfortable when facing with the same people again next time. Do they actually feel sorry about it? How about if the person confront. It's only gonna makes thing worse. I think i have enough with the apologies and appreciation to those people. Only one word can describe them "FAKE". Never want to learn, never want to change, good in ordering people, inefficient in conveying message from top to bottom, last minute work. Rush and rush, Hurry and hurry, Enough, enough, totally enough... i'm totally lost.

Therefore a feeling in deep of me has getting stronger and stronger. It's time... It's time...
Counting down... 4, 3, 2,1... RELEASE, FREEDOM....(in dream)

r3stle33 day

Sunday always a good day and rest day for most of the poeple but except me especially after i became a lecture in this university. Ever since that i almost never enjoy most of my "Sundays". Everytimes i have to do a lot of preparation for coming days. Sunday should be a rest day, a day for people going to church to worship god. God knows i have missed how many church worship session. I ever think that it just an excuse, may be i'm not working hard enough. This is so call "LIFE". ha... my slogan always "LIFE IS TOUGH".

Today i have been staying at home to do my revision for the whole day but i still not manage to finish everything as i expected earlier. I tried to call my boss to ask for leave tomorrow but rejected by him due to it is prohibited to cancel class last minute. Therefore he suggested to give quiz or discussion to students. OMG, what can i do now. I feel really sorry to the students and unprofessional. May be i really not suitable or not ready to be a lecturer yet. May be it is time for me to think about my career. Am i going to continue this path or try out some other challenge. OMG, i'm totally lost and mess up.

first blog in the year!

I have been stop blogging for quite sometimes. If not mistaken it's nearly a year never update my blog due to the increasing workload. After i read sophea's blog today, i feel like it's time for me to start back my blog. I have plenty of things want to write it down, just simply don't know where to start.
Ok, let's start with how am i feeling now. I'm feeling really sick and tension cos there r so many things are pending and not getting ready yet. Especially my master class, it almost drive me crazy. One of my mid term exam is on this coming monday but i have not even start reading a single word yet. Besides that, i also need to prepare my lecture for monday classes. Monday, monday, monday......... another busy and restless day. I'm gonna have class from 9am to 4pm without any break in between. After that i have to rush and attend my mid term test in UM at 6pm. ~sigh~ all of this is just pain in the ass....Hope i can really concentrate on my study tomorrow. God bless me....